Postpartum Depression
This particular topic is very close to my heart. I get brutally honest during this blog. Not with the hopes of getting sympathy or pity, but with the hopes that someone else can have hope and get help.
Most new moms (up to 80%) experience the “baby blues” during the first couple of weeks after delivery. These include mood swings, feeling overwhelmed, crying spells, anxiety, and difficulty sleeping. This is frequently the result of a huge swing in hormones, lack of sleep, and a major life event. If these symptoms persist beyond two weeks, are more intense, or interfere with your ability to care for your baby, they may actually be signs of postpartum depression. Approximately 15% of births may result in postpartum depression (PPD).
Signs of PPD include:
Source; March of Dimes
Postpartum depression can happen to anyone. It does not mean anything is wrong with you or that you are a bad mom. I have been very open about the postpartum depression I struggled with following the birth of my oldest. I did not have any history of depression before Olivia and had a very supportive husband and family. I, however, have a very type-A personality. I am a perfectionist who likes to be in control. I also do not function well on little sleep. This is not a good combination to have with a newborn. Newborns cannot be controlled, and no new mom is perfect. Mix this with not getting much sleep; struggling with breastfeeding, and a husband who’s work shift changed to the evening shift (3pm – 1am). Fun fact, babies are frequently crankiest and moms have the biggest hormone crash in the evening time.
I had incredible difficulty falling asleep, even with extreme exhaustion. I would lie in bed unable to “turn my head off”. Olivia would cry and I would look down on her crying right along with her. I would often apologize to her (a one month old) for being a terrible mom and that I was sorry God gave her to me. I would perseverate over all of the ways I was “messing her up”. I was also having trouble bonding with her. I was on the phone with my mom one night when I genuinely could not remember the last time I smiled or was happy.
My mom was the first one to recognize the symptoms and took charge. I was diagnosed with postpartum depression at my six-week follow up and received treatment. I was started on a low dose anti-depressant (Zoloft to be exact) by my OB/Gyn, myself and Olivia moved in to my parents’ house for about a month so I could have help in the evenings, and I started formula feeding. Olivia and I would pack up and head back to our house during the late morning, after Chris got up, so that we could still see him. I eventually weaned myself off of the anti-depressant, Chris’s work shift went back to normal hours, and I went back to work. We had finally settled into our “new normal”.
If you are experiencing any of the above signs, PLEASE tell someone. I would be happy to talk to anyone about my experience or answer any questions. I believe that God does NOT make mistakes and that everything happens for a reason. If even one person is helped by my story, then it is all worth the honesty. If you want to read more about postpartum depression, Click here. If you have ANY thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, hand your baby to a loved one and call 911 or go to your local ER!
Just remember... YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
